5 Habits Keeping You Stuck (Things I Wish I Knew)

Are you wondering if the 5 habits keeping you stuck are the ones lots of people do repetitively and wish for different results?

Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business says, “Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped.”

And my dear ones, that is exactly what we need to do with the 5 habits keeping you stuck, reshape them, or even stop them altogether. In this article, we will reveal what those 5 habits are and the things I wish I knew about them before now.

So, what are the 5 habits keeping you (and the rest of us) stuck?

1. Holding on to what once WAS (good or bad)

What do I mean by “holding on to?”

You keep replaying this particular person, scene, experience, or whatever it was.

You keep replaying it in your mind. It’s like a song on repeat. You just keep looping this one moment in time repeatedly as if you are presently there.

The wild thing is your mind doesn’t know you’re not even there.

As often as you replay this moment, your mind thinks you are there right now.

And in some ways you are!

Your mind will take you back to those feelings, that scene, and replay that movie right where you left off.

Sometimes you end the movie and start from the beginning. Other times you repeat a particular scene.

This trailer of Black Mirror Season 1 Episode 1 says it all.

For some people that scene is a very pleasant one to relive.

Maybe it’s the moment your first child was born, or you heard the words ‘I love you’ from a person you wanted to hear them from.

For other people that scene is dark and sad. It’s cloudy and rainy like the sun doesn’t exist.

Still, you keep replaying this moment. It’s like why?

Why replay any moment you’re not presently in, regardless of it being a good or bad event?

It comes down to one thing …

It’s comfortable and it’s familiar.

In those moments, you know how the story starts. How the story ends. You even know how you feel before, during, and after the scene.

Even the best actress in the world isn’t (this) committed to her acting role!

Yet, the one thing you fail to realize, while you are drifting off into the land of binge-watching the same movie, you miss out on the opportunity to create a new scene, a new experience, and a new memory to play on repeat.

And chances are it’ll be much better than the one from the past.

So, if you’re wondering why you’re stuck in life and can’t seem to move ahead, it might have to do with the fact that you’re not the best film director for your life.️ 🤷‍♀️

Rather than live in the past, why not take a moment to look around yourself and see what new and improved scenes you can be recording for a new movie to replay?

2. Searching out external validation

The second habit keeping you stuck is … looking for external validation.

Let’s clarify what this looks like.

You: Hey Donnie, do you like my outfit?
Donnie: …Sure
You: Hey Mom, do you think Donnie is good for me?
Mom: … I think Donnie is a lovely young man.
You: [Asks a stranger] Hey, do you think I should dump Donnie?
Stranger: …ughhh…noo…yessss… I’m sorry do I know you

We’ve all done it.

Well, maybe not exactly like this (I’d wager, I’m not far off).

We’ve all been there and many of you still are there.

The issue isn’t commendation from others or even seeking advice. The challenge is when you constantly need someone’s approval, acceptance, and reassurance.

When you go out looking for validation you rob yourself of being able to acknowledge how you yourself feel about a matter.

When you constantly ask others for their expressions on something that directly relates to a situation your feelings are attached to, their feelings become yours. And your feelings, well, they never become known. They go away and hide.

Seeking external validation suppresses how you feel about something that you should be finding your feelings for. You miss the chance to feel your own feelings and make any needed adjustments to them.

And the truth is…

People really don’t like having to think for you and for them. It’s exhausting.

Thinking and feeling for one person is enough work, adding a second and third person to the mix is the ultimate way to lose real friends and gain real manipulators.

It’s your responsibility (and privilege) to check in with yourself to see how you feel about a certain situation, not there’s.

One way to remedy this habit is to start asking yourself the validation-seeking question you would normally ask someone else. Just start there and you will start to notice a difference in yourself.

3. Listening to bad personal development advice

Habit #3 is one that I see floating around the internet, and it’s just so counterintuitive.

And that is… listening to poor personal development advice. Specifically those advising, ‘be selfish’ or to practice emotional detachment.

For those that aren’t familiar with the term detachment, it means to turn off or shut down your feelings so as not to be affected by something, internally or externally.

For example, if you see a child fall off the monkey bars on a playground, they wreath with pain. Emotional detachment would cause you to see that event and suppress any emotional stimulus.

Now, I don’t know about you, but that sounds a little scary to me.

We’re built to have and express emotions, not intentionally suppress them.

Detachment simply encourages disconnection and insinuates that you and other people are both problems that aren’t worth having feelings for.

The reality is that no one is a “problem” per se aside from being ill-matched for each other. And I mean in all forms of human interaction, not just romantic ones. People spend so much time with people they aren’t compatible with which causes friction and makes relationships more challenging than would otherwise be the case with those who share the same values, goals, and virtues.

As for the -be selfish- advice, when you are selfish you intentionally keep yourself away from others. And in a way, it’s like we feel the need to punish them for something they’ve done.

That in itself feels like we’re actually giving them more attention than we think we are which eclipses the original purpose altogether.

Rather than be selfish, we could prioritize time for ourselves while engaging the right amount of time with the right kind of people who support a self-reliant lifestyle.

Practicing detachment is similar to being selfish, in that we keep ourselves away from relationships that could be very meaningful and supportive of our lives and growth.

The need for detachment comes from (inadvertently) operating with someone or someone(s) in a codependent way where you function with no identity or expressed feelings of your own.

Most people don’t realize they are codependent on others. And when they do learn, they go to the opposite end of the pendulum which is to suppress all emotions for fear of taking on someone else’s.

I know this all, too, well.

The truth is, when you intentionally practice emotional detachment you are actually detaching from yourself.

If you’ve been codependent this whole time you are uncomfortable making decisions on your own or allowing yourself to feel the feels. So, emotionally detaching someone isn’t the complete solution.

Again, prioritizing time for you to connect with yourself is what will help you get unstuck by discovering who you actually are.

4. Thinking you have to go from 0-100

Now, habit #4 is one that I know all too well (actually, I know all these habits better than the back of my hands, but I digress).

That is …thinking you have to go from 0-100. 🤯

Let me tell you. I was the queen of overwhelm.

I’d get fed up with some aspect of my life and rather than take the time to plan it out and take it one step at a time, I’d throw caution to the wind and try and jump to 50 only to crash and burn back at zero.

After doing that 100 times you never get anywhere, but in the hospital and on prescription drugs.😩

Plus, you never get to appreciate each step you take fully. As the saying goes, “Life is not a sprint, but a marathon” and when you try to race through very vital moments in life you miss the opportunity of appreciation and forgiveness.

I remember being so sick of feeling stuck and unable to get anywhere. But, because I wasn’t taking the time to craft out a viable plan and efficiently go through each stage of the process I wasn’t getting anywhere.

I finally learned that I could actually make faster progress by following a blueprint and avoiding having to go back to scratch each time I’d try and rush along.

So my advice: stop trying to shortcut your life (making it more miserable) figure out where you want to go and plan to take one step of effort to get yourself there.

If you need to go back 1 or 2 steps that’s fine because you are still moving forward. Keep putting one foot in motion.

5. Not seeking viable help

At this point, you folks probably have been able to identify with one, and perhaps all of these habits I’ve gone over so far (if you’re being honest with yourself).

This last habit is one that is the biggest reason people keep themselves stuck and it’s one that I wish I knew the actual value of sooner.

And that is …not seeking viable help.

Insert whatever adjective you feel the need to understand this. Regardless, the keyword is ‘help’.

We all think we can do any and everything on our own and that we don’t need help and support.

Let me tell you here today that, that is a big fat slobbery lie you tell yourselves to somehow feel better despite being stuck in the mud.

The reality is if you weren’t feeling sick.

Frustrated.

Disappointed.

Angry.

And all the other negative words about your life then you would not be reading this article, and any other measures you’re attempting, to try and get yourselves out of the rut you’re in.

People think getting someone to help, support and guide them is somehow a meaningless thing when, in fact, it really is an act of kindness to yourself.

Let people help you. Don’t let them run your life and dictate your feelings by seeking constant validation or detaching from their connection.

Let them support you as you connect with yourself and grow into the person you want to be.

This support can come in the form of a community.

Maybe this blog can become that for you.

I’m here. You’re definitely not alone in your struggles.

I’ve crafted a coaching program that will help you learn to Let go, Let Live!

It’s composed of all the techniques and processes I’ve learned along the way to help me let go of holding on to the past, seeking validation, listening to bad advice, going from 0-100, and thinking no one can help me.

I’ve lived that life and I am so happy that I’ve learned (and continue to learn) what it really means to love yourself by letting go and letting live!

Book your free discovery call today and let’s grow and heal.